Musings of the dark

He just woke up from a bad nightmare. Anxiety was at its peak during this time as  today it was his first  day at college. In his dreams he saw a bunch of guys ragging him this really terrified him he could clearly remember all the intricacies of the nightmare. Guys stripping him, playing with him ,making him dance on some weird obscene songs all this things were not new for him as he had faced them earlier but all this things being repeated again in his dreams and coincidentally a night before college raised suspicions on his advent into college life. Although things were sorted out in his schooling years but still the memories of that incidents were rather fresh and more traumatizing than before as now he attributed a heightened sense of despair and terror in it. Making him more nervous and inflicting pain on him time to time. He was thinking about all this and evaluating his chances of being ragged in college and running multiple simulations within his mind to pave a way of this situations as he was performing his daily chores.  While he was doing all this he suddenly heard a screeching sound of his sibling ' what the fuck are you doing its getting late , I need to go the office you meathead I am not jobless as you" he screamed . " I am coming he said " in a very hesitant and fearful tone.  Lately his relationship with his sibling are not going well according to his brother  he is a total loser not good at anything except sleeping. Most poignant thing is that he firmly believes it so. He has lost all the drive and motivation in his life. Only his mother was the one who really understood him and always tried to ensure his personal development she was always encouraging him to try out new things and confront his fears but unfortunately her mother died and it shattered the young kid's all hopes about life. He started to eat less, became more sickly. Was extremely neurotic and had a habit of always fleeing from things. But no one in his house addressed this issue they all thought that he would be resilient enough to withstand this misfortune and it was not only him, his father, siblings all were tormented from this event. But eventually everybody came through a conclusion to it and started to live their lives peacefully except him. Its like the whole world was moving without him but he was still fixated just like his grand father who now was in an old age home alone counting his last days of life. The young kid was doing that so as he started to make his mind on committing suicide to final end his ordeal. He was torn apart by high expectations imposed on him and his crippling depression moreover their were vultures who always used to have an eye on him. Fleeing also seems a great option he thought to himself as he walked down the streets to board his bus for the college. All this round tour of wild ideas and thoughts started to lurk around his mind constantly as days passed by. Fortunately he  was never ragged in college as he became reluctant and withdrew himself of any sort of social interaction. Due to his anti-social behaviours people mistaken him to be some sort off a shady person so people also were hesitant to talk to him.

Samson was his one of his dear friends back in those times but then he shifted into other school but as of now he was newly admitted  in his college. He was just trespassing along the corridors to find his classroom but then he saw a familiar face amongst the unknown he was walking haphazardly and hesitantly as though he wanted to go somewhere. Samson saw him and a beautiful lane of memory flashed his eyes where he could see himself enjoying and playing with his best friend from that time onwards there was no one with whom he could be that much playful and frivolous. Samsa saw his childhood knocking at his doorsteps through him and hence he chased him. Seeing  samsa chasing the young kid just ran away from college thinking that he's gonna encounter a bully. This really upsetted samsa and he continued his quest for searching the classroom.

Weeks passes as two lost buddies parted their ways living their own journeys, having thier own struggle but under a same structure. Only a scaffolding of thier college lives seemed similar but it's inner furnishings , intricacies and architecture were quite different. Samsa turned out to be the most popular guy in college as he was good at theatrics and singing along with that he had multitude of skillsets in which he was moderately good at making his personality more standoffish and multi-faceted . There was a charm in which blinded and enticed everybody to be with him, accompany him, talk to him, play with him. All girls were flattered to be with him.

Whereas his best friend was getting more and more depressed and started to withdraw himself from any social circle  In fact he created his own new dreaded world where he sings hymns of destruction and chaos. Everybody avoided him like a plague. No one even wanted to bully him. He was slowly killing himself, bruising his ego and his body with cuts of blades after some point of time he started to enjoy that  as though he was cutting and butchering all the expectations that he had from this world. His father and siblings were oblivious to this fact. They didn't even care to look at him as though he was a bothering, disguising insects as he was gradually turning into it. Some people tried to help him as he was very adamant about his views and his perspective to an extent where he started to attack them. They tried to take him to asylums' but he always ran away from them. Maybe he was planning something big.

It was month of march whole environment was pleasant and comforting everybody was busy with their own works, stresses and relieves and playing the game of life in mother's cradles. A feeling of warmth and normalcy was cloaking the ambience with its enigmatic  characteristic which was quite unfamiliar to the college students as the college was infamous for its violence and notoriety. This period lasted for quite a long period of time until that day when all hell broke loose .